Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
