I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
