i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
