Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
