i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
