dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
