I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
