Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
