omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
