He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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