Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
