the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
