mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
