have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
