how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This baby is an asshole
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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