so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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