lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
