I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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