I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
