Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
