So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
