You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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