I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
