I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
