he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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