So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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