Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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