I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
