she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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