How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I deserve this hangover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
