Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
