I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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