hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
