I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
