Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
