At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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