i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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