I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
