"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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