but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
