What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
