i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
