so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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