Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
