oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
