have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
