Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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