Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost the right to judge tonight
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
