I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
