And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
