thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
