you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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