after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
