your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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