It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My ATM looks so different sober.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
